Sometimes, even small revisions can make a tremendous difference in the quality of your writing and how you are perceived.  Take a simple follow up letter for example.  Here’s a “before and after” from a Write In Color client.  We worked together to make the e-mail more concise and professional.  By the way, my client got the second interview!  Let’s keep our fingers crossed and wish her good luck!

BEFORE:

Hi James**,

I hope you had a wonderful weekend.  I would like to schedule an appointment with Mr. Thriller** sometime this week and show him the project he asked me to complete.  I unfortunately won’t be able to meet with him until Wednesday because I had to fly home this past weekend and won’t be getting back to New York until late Tuesday evening.  Please let me know what time is most convenient for Mr. Thriller and his schedule thereafter.

Thank you and I look forward to hearing from you.

AFTER:

Hi James,

I hope you had a great weekend.  I would like to schedule an appointment with Mr. Thriller to show him the project he asked me to complete.  I’m out of town until Tuesday but I’m available at Mr. Thriller’s convenience Wednesday morning through the rest of the week.

Please let me know what day and time work best for him.  I’m excited about my project and look forward to presenting it.

Thank you,

How can Write In Color help you?

**Names have been changed to maintain my client’s anonymity!